Why am I the only one who knows when the dentist appointment is?
The New York Times ran a piece this week about Zach Watson, a former teacher who now coaches men on the mental load — the invisible work of keeping a household running. Not the dishes themselves, but knowing the dishes need doing, tracking when the kids outgrew their shoes, remembering that the permission slip is due Thursday. Watson describes himself as a “recovering man child” and got into this work after his own marriage nearly came apart over it.
I’m not a Fair Play facilitator, and I don’t do the kind of structured chore-mapping Watson does. But some version of this conversation happens in my office all the time. One partner feels like a manager who can’t ever clock out. The other feels perpetually criticized for effort they thought was genuine. Both are lonely in it.
Folding laundry but not putting it away. Asking where’s the ketchup? instead of looking. These are everyday mini-relationship ruptures. Small enough to seem petty when you say them out loud, big enough to do real damage over time — which is exactly why they go unaddressed until resentment has had years to set.
If this is a source of friction in your relationship, it’s worth naming directly rather than relitigating the ketchup bottle battle. Call or write me at (323) 610-0112 if you’d like to discuss. Here’s the full article:
Does Your Relationship Need a ‘Mental Load’ Coach? (gift link)