The NYT identifies a trend: Permanently separated, but not divorced.
Technically, the two are married. They file joint tax returns; she’s covered by his insurance. But they see each other just several times a year. “Since separating we get along better than we ever have,” he said. “It’s kind of nice.”
ScienceDaily: Anguish of romantic rejection may be linked to stimulation of areas of brain related to motivation, reward and addiction.
The study…helps to explain “why feelings and behaviors related to romantic rejection are difficult to control” and why extreme behaviors associated with romantic rejection such as stalking, homicide, suicide, and clinical depression occur in cultures all over the world, the researchers wrote.
A study to put no one at ease: Relationship Insecurity Ups Health Risk.
Anxious attachment was positively associated with a wider range of health conditions, including some defined primarily by pain and several involving the cardiovascular system (e.g., stroke, heart attack or high blood pressure).
A study finds a new way t o predict whether or not a couple is going to stay together–word matching.
The researchers found that volunteers who found it easy to associate their partner with bad things and difficult to associate the partner with good things were more likely to separate over the next year.
PsychCentral: Relationship Breakup Similar to Addiction Withdrawal
Rejection by a romantic partner is a bitter pill. New research suggests the trauma is severe because love rejection affects primitive areas of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings…
Studies have couples checking in annually about their marriages, online.
“You don’t wait to see the dentist until something hurts — you go for checkups on a regular basis…If people were to bring their marriages in for a checkup on an annual basis, would that provide the same sort of benefit that a physical health checkup would provide?”
You probably have a pretty good idea why you fight as a couple. But here’s a study to tell you all about it.
[The study] identified the first type of underlying concern as perceived threat, which involves a perception that one’s partner is being hostile, critical, blaming or controlling.
The second type of concern is called perceived neglect, which involves a perception that one’s partner is failing to make a desired contribution or failing to demonstrate an ideal level of commitment or investment in the relationship.
Something to consider reading: A Little Book on the Human Shadow, by Robert Bly.
You may know Bly as the author of men’s movement tome, Iron John. He’s also a poet, public speaker, and engaged reader of lots of psych lit–particularly Carl Jung, Alice Miller, and Marie Louise von Franz.
Shadow reproduces a series of readings by and interviews with Bly, tied together with Jungian themes. Who or what do you hate? Take a careful look. It may be that the qualities you despise most are the very qualities you were encouraged (or forced) to refuse yourself as you were growing up–irresponsibility, carelessness, greed, rage.
Bly encourages reconnecting with these despised traits–to honor the items stowed “in your bag.” How? Art, expression. Especially helpful is an exploration of how these “shadow” dynamics play out in romantic relationships. Not unlike the longer, less poetry-filled, more widely read Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix. Take your pick.
NYT: She doesn’t trust you? Blame the testosterone.
Researchers…gave young women a dose of the hormone in the form of a drop of liquid placed under the tongue, then asked them to judge the trustworthiness of a series of men’s faces shown in photographs. The women were significantly less inclined to trust a face when given testosterone than when they had taken a placebo.